


Every Beginning is a Sequel...After All

by unbidden_truth



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Movie Fusion, Background Relationships, F/M, First Kiss, First Time, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-07
Updated: 2013-10-07
Packaged: 2017-12-28 00:59:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/985762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unbidden_truth/pseuds/unbidden_truth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Merlin met Arthur was somewhere up in the rugged wilderness of northern Scotland. Predictably Merlin, half-lost and blinded by the fog had stumbled into him and predictably, Arthur had been a bit of a prat.  It hadn’t been exactly the most auspicious beginning to a love story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Every Beginning is a Sequel...After All

**Author's Note:**

> Content Notes: Minor expletive language and dubious consent (where one party is drunk and emotionally compromise). Mentions of other relationships: Gwen/Lance; brief Arthur/Vivian, Arthur/Sophia, Arthur/Gwen, Arthur/Owain, Merlin/Gwaine, and Merlin/Mordred
> 
> Title's from "Love At First Sight" by Wislawa Szymborska. A couple of lines from Walt Whitman's "Out of the Rolling Ocean the Crowd' is quoted. There's also a nod to Bastille's "Laughter Lines." This is more inspired per say then a direct adaptation of _When Harry Met Sally_ , however there are a couple of scenes that hark back to the original film. Also there's a bit more pining and schmoop.

Whenever anyone would ask them how they had first met, Merlin and Arthur would share a rueful smile.  Arthur would say it was love at first sight. And Merlin would reply that it was more falling in love each time they met over the years.  Their friends who had known them since the very beginning would say that wasn’t exactly true.  That the two of them had hated each other at the beginning and somewhere between the time Gwen married Lance and Gwaine had married Elena that had changed.  

 

The truth was probably closer to a mix of all three.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**_2002_ **

 

Merlin mutters a curse as he half-stumbles on yet another rock. Freya and Will had left him when he was trying to tie his trainers, and now more than an hour later he still can't find them. And the dense fog wasn't helping. He barely could see more than half a meter in front of him and he wasn't exactly sure if he still was on the hiking trail.  And of course, his mobile didn't get signal up here.  Between the fog and his rather weak sense of direction, Merlin was lost.

 

When Will had suggested that they go camping as their last holiday before starting uni, it had seemed like a great idea.  They all were going their separate ways with Will staying in Wales, Freya moving to London and Merlin going off to St. Andrews.  It was their last hurrah before they went off to become adults as Merlin’s mum would say as she washed dishes looking over at him fondly.

 

And for the most part, the road trip up to Scotland, the pub crawling and taking pictures around the base of Ben Nevis had been wonderful.  Until Will suggested they should hike part of the Great Glen Way before camping for the night.  

 

As Merlin strains his eyes to see in front of him, he wonders irritably at his own idiocy.  He knows he's rather rubbish with the whole camping thing and wonders why he agreed to it in the first place.  

 

So when he stumbles into someone a few minutes later, he's relieved.  He’s steadies himself against the warm-solid-arm, the person’s muscles tensing under the palm of his hand.  

 

The relief is short-lived as whomever he's run into snaps, irritation evident in their voice, “Watch where you're going.”  

 

It takes a few seconds for Merlin to make out his face. The bloke he's run into is attractive with blond hair and blue eyes.   But his features are marred by the scowl he’s giving Merlin. 

 

“Sorry, it was an accident.”

 

The boy, who looks around Merlin's age, glares at Merlin's hand where it's still resting on his arm.  Merlin moves it, flushing as he takes a step back.

 

“Right. Well next time watch where you're going.”

 

As he starts walking away, Merlin panics, “Wait! I’m lost.”

 

The boy turns to look at him, “And you want me to do what? Guide you back to camp?”

 

His voice is condescending and Merlin half-wants to punch him in the face for being a prat.  But that would mean he would still be lost.  

 

Merlin’s trying to figure out what to say that won’t be offensive, but the boy huffs loudly, before sharply gesturing, “Fine, but you better keep up.”

 

As Merlin follows him, the boy keeps glancing back at him, and Merlin wonders at his frown.  He can't tell whether the bloke's checking to see if Merlin was still following him or seeing if he had finally lost Merlin somewhere along the trail.

 

~*~

 

Freya pulls him into a fierce hug when they reach the camp site.  “I thought we had lost you.  Will was about to call the park ranger's office to see if we needed to send a search party for you.”

 

Will shuffles around a bit, looking shameful,”We really thought you were behind us.”

 

Merlin looks at the two distressed faces peering back at him and sighs, “It’s okay. I got lost but I managed to find you two in one piece so that's what matters right?”

 

Somehow Will has met the boy’s-- _Arthur's_ mates, who are camping for the same reasons as they are and they all decide that they should combine their camping party. The rest of Arthur's friends are great. Leon and Percy are laidback and there's Morgana, his sister and Mithian. Then there's his girlfriend, something with a V or B maybe?

 

Somebody, Merlin wants to blame Will, decides that they should play spin the bottle as the evening wears on. “Come on Merls, it’ll be fun.”

 

Merlin doesn't want to, but somehow Will blackmails him into playing.  He knew he shouldn’t have skipped school that one day or atleast he should have hidden Will's mobile so he couldn't have taken pictures.

 

Merlin looks around the circle, palms sweaty.  He hasn’t come out to anyone outside of his mum, Will and Freya and briefly he worries if somehow rest of the group will guess. But even more so he doesn't want to lose his first kiss this way.  Though if he were more honest, he'd admit he doesn't want to start uni without any experience either.

 

To his horror, when it's his turn it lands on Arthur. He expects Arthur to refuse and his own lips start forming the words “no” when he sees the challenging smirk on Arthur's face.

 

Irritated, Merlin smirks back even though he's panicking. He could feel the nervous butterflies dancing in his stomach, his palms getting sweaty and weakly, Merlin wonders if he was going to puke.  The smirk on Arthur's face falls for a moment as uncertainty and something else flashes across his face.  If Merlin had been crazy, he would have said Arthur had looked vulnerable for a second.  But before he knows it, Arthur's reaching across the circle amongst the catcalls and pulls Merlin towards him.

 

Their faces smash awkwardly, Arthur's lips catching against his cheeks, his splotchy stubble leaving a burn in its wake before he finds Merlin's mouth to press a kiss. Merlin mind blanks as he feels Arthur’s lips against his own before he starts pulling away. But Arthur tugs him back, causing Merlin to half sprawl against him.  This time his hand cradling Merlin's face carefully, fingertips warm,  before pressing his lips against Merlin's more firmly. And then there's a wet pressure against his lips. _Tongue_ , Merlin thinks with a sharp inhale as a moan slips past, his lips giving away to Arthur's tongue.

 

It’s hesitant as it runs along Merlin’s, but after the shock wears off, Merlin grasps onto the thin cotton of Arthur’s shirt, fisting it in his hands as he runs his tongue against Arthur, inexperience giving way to heat and the low curl of want in his belly.  Arthur matches him with each lick, sucking on Merlin’s lower lip before slipping his tongue in again. 

 

It’s not until his lungs are burning that they pull apart.  Arthur’s lips are swollen and he’s breathing heavily as he eyes Merlin in shock.  

 

Merlin averts his eyes, his lips aching but it was a pleasant sort of pain.  He feels too tight in his skin as he sits back down beside Freya.  She gives him an encouraging smile and Merlin gives her a shaky one in return as he tries to pay attention to rest of the game.  But the kiss is all he thinks about for rest of the night as he carefully avoids Arthur.

 

The next day as they part ways, Merlin feels his eyes drawn to Arthur, but Arthur is busy with Veronica? Victoria? Vivian?  Whatever her name was that Merlin hadn’t paid attention to was wrapped to his side. But as he turns to leave, he catches Arthur's eyes who seems to be considering him before he's pulled away. As they head back to the car, Merlin's angry at himself for still thinking about how that kiss felt.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**2006** _

 

Term papers handed in and his belongings packed, Merlin was ready to head to London to stay with his uncle for the summer.  He was planning on beginning his graduate studies in Chemistry at Imperial sometime in the fall.

 

Somehow Freya had convinced him to drive down with Sophia's boyfriend who was visiting.   She had argued it was cheaper to spend the money for paying for half the petrol than taking the train, especially since the boyfriend was driving down to London as well. 

 

 

As he pulls his suitcase down the stairs and out by sidewalk, his eyes widen as he recognizes the bloke Sophia is swapping saliva with. His face is half hidden, but the blond hair and that chiseled jaw that had been shamefully prominent in his wank fantasies after that camping trip were instantly recognizable.  Merlin still could feel the lingering first kiss that Arthur Pendragon gave him four years ago. The warm fingers and chapped lips, the hesitant slip of tongue that had turned confident as it had battle his own.

 

Irritated by his own memories and ready to change his mind about carpooling, Merlin turns to leave.

 

“Is this him then?” Arthur asks, his voice sending Merlin’s nerves buzzing.

 

“Oh hey Merlin,” Sophia calls out. Jaw-clenching Merlin turns trying to talk himself out of carpooling.

 

But he probably won't be able to get a ticket for London until tomorrow this late and he would only be stuck with Arthur for eight hours.

 

“This is Arthur Pendragon, my boyfriend.”

 

“Arthur, this is Merlin Emrys, a friend of a friend.” Arthur's eyes narrow but he doesn't say anything. And Merlin breathes a sigh of relief.

 

The ride is mostly quiet with Arthur’s ipod playing Muse in the background. They take a detour to a small pub when Arthur's stomach rumbles and Merlin's follows suit. They share an awkward smile, before Merlin remembers himself.

 

“Hey,” Arthur says smiling widely at the pretty waitress serving them.  He’s outrageously flirting and Merlin find himself equally turned on and irritated.

 

“What are you doing?” he says, his voice low when the waitress walks away.

 

Arthur gives him an amused look, “What?”

 

“You’re flirting.”

 

“Your point being?”

 

“You’re dating Sophia.”

 

“So what?  That doesn’t mean I can’t flirt.”

 

“She slipped you her phone number.”

 

“You think I’m going to call her?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Arthur grins, “I’m hurt.  I can’t believe you think so badly of me.”

 

“Are you going to call her?”

 

“No, it would be too much trouble to drive back from London for a shag.”

 

Merlin’s not sure whether Arthur’s being serious or not, but ends up scowling at him as he finishes up his fish and chips.

 

Arthur smirks and flirts even more when the waitress comes back.  Merlin tries hard not to kick Arthur in the shins, but it’s a close thing.

 

~*~

 

When they finally reach London, Arthur drops him off at Paddington where his uncle is waiting for him.

 

“I thought you would've grown into those big ears of yours by now.” Arthur says as he's leaving the car.  Arthur’s voice is too fond and Merlin finds himself more exasperated than angry.  Of course the prat remembered him.

 

He pauses looking back, grinning despite himself as he retorts, “And I thought you would've grown to be less of a tosser,” before grabbing suitcase and shutting the car door behind him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**2010** _

 

He kisses Gwaine slowly, before pulling away. He's returning to London finally after spending a year doing a fellowship at Columbia.

 

“I'll be back in London before you know it.”

 

Merlin gives him a smile, “I know.”

 

“Gwaine Callaghan is that you?” a voice interrupts.

 

Merlin stills as he recognizes that voice. Blue eyes, an insolent smirk, the musky bergamot come rushing back at him.

 

Gwaine shots him a concern look before turning to greet the stranger with a grin, “Arthur Pendragon, what are you doing here?”

 

“I was attending a conference.”

 

“Oh, how is the career move going for you?”

 

Merlin peers curiously at Arthur.

 

“Best decision I made.”

 

“Has your father forgiven you yet?”

 

Arthur grimaces, “Not yet.”

 

“Oh, Merlin this is Arthur, we went to uni together. And Arthur, this is my boyfriend Merlin.”

 

There is no recognition again on Arthur's face as he greets Merlin. But as Arthur nods to Gwaine and says to call him up in London whenever he's there next and turns to Merlin, saying it was nice to meet him, Merlin can't help the wave of disappointment that seems to flicker somewhere in his chest as Arthur walks away. Irritatedly, he pushes it firmly away as he looks back at Gwaine.

 

“Thank god, he didn't recognize me,” Merlin says, frustrated more by his own reaction than to Arthur not remembering him.

 

“What?” Gwaine asks confused.

 

“I had to spend an eight hour ride from St. Andrews down to London with him five years ago,” Merlin choosing not to tell Gwaine about his first encounter with Arthur.

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yeah, he was an arrogant, smug tosser.  That and he hit on anything that moved while he was dating a friend of Freya’s.”

 

“Well Arthur can be arrogant and smug,” Gwaine concedes with amusement. “Though I think a lot of that has to do with his upbringing.”

 

“I thought you disliked old money,” Merlin says.

 

“I do, but can't dislike someone who always paid for drinks whenever we went out. And besides if anybody had a father like Uther, they would all be arrogant, proud bastards.”

 

“And besides, he's probably a bit different now that he's married.”

 

“He's married?” Merlin asks unable to hid the shock from his voice.

 

Gwaine peers at Merlin, “Why are you so interested in him anyways? Should I be worried?”

 

“What? No. And why would you be worried? It's not like he's gay and besides, I don’t go for slags.”

 

Gwaine doesn't say anything in response and Merlin wonders at the words that stay unspoken.

 

On the plane, he’s half torn between irritation and elation as he finds Arthur sitting a row behind him. As the other passengers are settling, he hears, “Didn't think I would run into you again Merlin.”

 

Something warm skitters past his ribcage and wraps around his heart.  Arthur Pendragon did remember him. And then Merlin shakes his head as he pushes the feeling aside.

 

Leaning back in the seat to look at Arthur, “Trust me, I had hoped the same thing.”

 

“I didn't say I hoped that.”

 

“Do you two know each other?,” the dark skinned man sitting beside Merlin asks with a smile.

 

“Yes," Arthur says with an easy grin, as Merlin says, “No.”

 

Merlin shots Arthur an annoyed look.

 

Turning to look at Arthur, the man asks, “You want my seat so you two can talk? We can trade.”

 

“Yes, thank you,” Arthur says as he slides in next to Merlin.

 

“So tell me what were you doing on this side of the pond?”

 

“A fellowship in chemistry.”

 

"Hmm, didn't know you were interested in the sciences."

 

"Yes, well."

 

There is a moment of silence and then Merlin asks even though he told himself he wouldn't, “I heard you're married.”

 

There's a fond smile on Arthur's face when he answers, “Yeah for one year now.”

 

“I never thought you would be the type to settle down.”

 

“Yeah,” Arthur says ruefully, “I didn’t think I would either.  But Gwen is something else."  Arthur leans forward animatedly as he starts to tell Merlin how he meet his wife.

 

Merlin is surprised at how easy it’s to fall into conversation with Arthur.  And how he's different from how Merlin had imagined him to be. 

 

“You're working for an architectural firm?  I thought you would be doing something in business.’

 

“Why?”

 

“Just the way---you carry yourself."

 

“Are you stereotyping me Merlin?  And nice save there.”

 

“I didn’t mean--”

 

“It’s fine.  And you're right, I was working for my dad even though I didn’t study business much to his great displeasure.  He isn’t too happy with me at the moment for leaving the company.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

Arthur gives him a slow smile, somewhere between fond and something like a shared secret, “Sometimes you have to find your own way.”  Merlin glances away, feeling uncomfortable at how that smile makes him feel.

 

“So do you keep in touch with your old girlfriend," he asks changing the subject.

 

“No. What was her name again?  Sabrina?  Samantha?”

 

“Sophia.”  Merlin tries not to think about the fact that Arthur remembered him, “I can’t believe you forgot her name.”

 

“We only dated for three months.”

 

 _And yet you remembered me_ , Merlin tries not to think and fails.

 

~*~

 

Hours later, the flight seemed too short and as they’re disembarking, Arthur reaches out to shake his hand, “It was good seeing you Merlin.”

 

His hand is warm against Merlin's, more solid, less hesitant.  There are callouses where Merlin had remembered none.

 

“Take care Arthur.”

 

They step away, both going in opposite directions and Merlin resists the urge to look back and watch Arthur disappear in the crowd.  He ignores the brief pinprick of loss and the strange feeling of nostalgia as he hurries to baggage claim.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_**2013** _

 

When he sees Arthur at Gwen and Lance's wedding it takes him only a few seconds to connect the dots.

 

 

“Wait, Gwen was married to Arthur Pendragon?” Merlin asks as he stands besides Lance.

 

 

“Yeah, why do you know him?”

 

 

Merlin ignores the question, instead asking, “Why is he here then?”

 

 

“Their split up was amicable. And they stayed as friends.”

 

 

“Who stays friends with their exes,” Merlin grumps as he watches Arthur from the corner of his eyes.

 

 

He's too thin, Merlin thinks as he studies him.  His eyes were still the ever sky blue highlighted by his dark suit.  They've always remind Merlin of the color of the sky the morning they had first met, but they look much older.   _Tired_ , Merlin thinks.

 

But Arthur smiles brightly as Gwen walks down the aisle. Merlin can't breath for a moment and he turns away, instead concentrating on the besotted look on Lance's face.

 

When Arthur makes his way to his side after the ceremony, Merlin nerves are half-expectant, half-anxious.

 

 

“I didn't know you knew Lance.”

 

 

“I didn't know Gwen was your ex-wife.” And immediately Merlin regrets his words, “I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that.”

 

 

Arthur winces, smiling ruefully, “It's okay. I know how it looks.”

 

“Are you all right then?”

 

“Yeah.  It was something I had been expecting.  We had been already drifting apart the last time I saw you.”

 

“This must be weird then?”

 

“It could be worse, but Lance is a good friend and at least they both waited after the divorce so really I can’t complain,” But Merlin notes the way Arthur’s lips twist downward and how the slope of his shoulders slump.

 

“Arthur…”

 

“It’ll take time.  And I already had a year to come to terms with it.”

 

They stand in companionable silence, Arthur slowly sipping his champagne as Merlin picked at the strange caviar hor d'oeuvre on his plate.

 

 

“I'm surprised Gwaine isn't here with you,” Arthur asks after a beat.

 

“We broke up a few months ago,” Merlin says as if it's nothing.

 

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

 

“No, no. I'm over it. I'm totally fine.”

 

 

Merlin shifts uncomfortably as Arthur scrutinizes him, “Well that's good then. Even though Gwen and I had been growing apart for over a year, it took me awhile to get over that. So you're pretty strong.”

 

 

Merlin shrugged his shoulders.  He had been numb the first week after the breakup, but it had been easy to push all his feelings aside.  Much like Gwen and Arthur, he and Gwaine had started drifting apart as well but Merlin wasn’t sure when it happened.  Only that one day, suddenly the things he wanted weren’t the same things Gwaine wanted.

 

They make small talk for a few more minutes before Arthur has to leave, “Duty calls,” he says amused, “One of these days we’ll need to stop running into each other like this.”

 

Lance is gesturing for Merlin, and Merlin shares a quick smile with Arthur before he’s pulled away to join the rest of the wedding party for pictures.

 

~*~

 

The next time he runs into Arthur three months later he’s not even surprised.  But what’s unsettling is the frisson of anticipation that sparks up his spine and the way his lips twitch wanting to smile.

 

Arthur looks better than he did at Gwen and Lance’s wedding, his blond hair growing a little too long, his eyes still catching Merlin’s with the same intensity as they did ten years ago.

 

“You know we passed the stage of chance and coincidence a good while ago.  If I didn’t know better, I would say you’re stalking me,” Merlin says greeting Arthur as he walks up.

 

“What can I say, maybe it’s destiny?” Arthur replies grinning.

 

Merlin grins back, “I didn’t think you knew what a bookstore was.”

 

“I’ll have you know I received first-class honors when I was at uni.”

 

“That still doesn’t mean you actually read.”

 

“Do I need to quote something?” Arthur asks, his head tilted, eyes challenging Merlin.

 

“You can actually quote things?”

 

 

Arthur looks at Merlin for a bit before he starts, his voice skirts around being husky, “I have travelled a long way merely to look on you to touch you. For I could not die till I once looked on you. For I feared I might afterward lose you.”

 

Merlin suppresses a shiver as Arthur’s voice dipped low, the words sparking along his skin.

 

“Poetry?” Merlin guesses.

 

Arthur blushes and Merlin stares at him in surprising, watching the tint of red spread across his cheeks.

 

“My mother loved poetry.  It was the only thing I had left of hers.”

 

He rests a hand on Arthur’s shoulder and Arthur smiles sadly, “It was a long time ago.”

 

Somehow Arthur convinces him to grab coffee at the adjoining cafe and much like it had been on the flight back to London, the time flies.

 

~*~

 

He isn’t sure how the text messages started. Only that after seeing him at the bookstore and exchanging phone numbers, a couple of weeks later Arthur texts him while he’s at work.

 

 

_Do you remember that time we met at the airport?_

 

_Yeah._

 

_I knew it was you before I even recognized Gwaine._

 

_What made you go down memory lane?_

 

_I’m at JFK waiting for my flight._

 

_I didn’t know you were on the other side of the pond._

 

_For a conference._

 

_You were in the States for one last time too._

 

_You remembered.  I think I might be flattered._

 

_It was more along the lines of ‘why is this prat on the same flight as me.’_

 

_Semantics, semantics.  Don’t lie Merlin._

 

~*~

 

The texting comes easy.  Arthur has always been flirty but over the weeks Merlin starts to see the humor and intelligence behind the bad jokes and teasing insults and he’s not sure how his emotions became such a tangled mess.  Despite everything, Merlin knows better than to fall for a straight bloke. But with each text, his heart skips a beat and Merlin pushes aside all his doubts.  He knows Arthur is just a friend but that doesn’t mean he can’t enjoy this.

 

 

It was even more surprising when he finds himself waiting for Arthur at the airport after another one of his trips out of the country.  Arthur looks pleased to see him, blue eyes shining as he rolls his carry-on behind him.

 

“Do you need to travel so much?”

 

“No, but it fills up the time, you know?”

 

Merlin does know, it was why he spent long hours at the lab.

 

“But,” Arthur says looking at Merlin affectionately, “I think I might take a break from all the traveling.  Maybe build some roots again.”

 

“What are you?  Some sort of tree?” Merlin teases him as they leave the airport.

 

~*~

 

 

And that's when the text messages give way to phone calls late at night.

 

The first time was just as Merlin was about to crawl into bed.

 

“Having trouble sleeping?” he asks recognizing the phone number.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“It doesn’t get easier?” Merlin asks as he half sprawls across his bed, mobile tucked into his shoulder.

 

“It hasn’t for me atleast,” Arthur confesses, “You feel the same way?”

 

Merlin stares at the empty half of his bed that Gwaine once used to share, “No, I don’t miss him if that’s what you’re asking.  But yeah, I do miss having someone here.”

 

Without him noticing Arthur slowly seeps into various part of his life.  Somehow the phone conversations become a nightly thing.  There are days when they’ll turn on BBC 1 or ITV watching dramas together, Arthur’s breathing always in the background as Merlin cradles his phone by his ear.

 

There are days, when Arthur will send a text, sometimes it’s a quote, other times some random observation.  Sometimes it’s a joke that Merlin shares with his colleagues.  Each one sends a buzz of elation, a sharp twist of longing that Merlin pretends he doesn’t feel.

 

~*~

 

The first time Arthur invites him for dinner, Merlin is hesitant.  He knows Arthur’s only asking as friends but for some reason Merlin’s never been able to completely friendzone Arthur.

 

He goes to dinner and it’s everything Merlin expected it to be.  The silly banter, the easy camaraderie, the understanding silence.  Sometimes Merlin wishes things didn't turn out the way he expected.

 

But Arthur’s earnest when he says, “We’re too young to be eating takeaway by ourselves.”  And Merlin can't help but agree.

 

There are other dinners and lunches that follow.  To the small Italian place where he knows Arthur will always order the seafood linguine and to the Indian takeaway place that always know to have two orders of curry ready whenever he stops by on the way to Arthur’s place.  But more often than not, he finds himself at the grocery watching Arthur shop before being dragged back to his flat so Arthur can cook.

 

 

“Don’t you have work?” Merlin asks suddenly one day watching Arthur chop tomatoes.

 

“This is more important,” Arthur says as glances up to look at Merlin.

 

Merlin doesn’t know what to say to that. 

 

It stops being surprising when Arthur drops by Sunday morning with pastries from his favorite bakery or knows when to call him so he doesn’t miss going early to set up his experiment.  Somehow it feels like this was how it had always been all along.

 

 

The careful balance Merlin's built starts unraveling when a few weeks later one night, Arthur looks across from the dining table, his blue eyes pinning Merlin’s, “Do you think that maybe we should start dating again?”

 

~*~

 

“You're with a bloke,” Merlin says, blue eyes wide, staring at shock looking over at Owain.  It had been two weeks since Arthur had said they should date again.  And here at another one of Freya’s dinner potlucks, they both had brought someone.

 

Merlin just never expected Arthur to bring a bloke.

 

 

“Yes and your point is?” Arthur shifts a bit, his lips presses down forming a frown, his eyes following Mordred.

 

 

“But you---” Merlin falters and he thinks back to that kiss, the one he hasn't forgotten after all these years. He had always known really if he thought about it. But somehow it's still a surprise.

 

 

“He's too young,” Merlin finishes lamely, feeling strangely hot all of a sudden.  His heart is pounding rather loudly in his ears and he feels the urge to flee so he can deal with the fact that Arthur apparently dates men.

 

 

“And Mordred isn't?”

 

 

“I'm not sleeping with him.”

 

 

“Not yet,” there’s a sharpness to Arthur’s voice.

 

 

“Arthur.”

 

 

“What?”

 

 

“Just shut up.”

 

 

“You can do better,” Arthur says instead.

 

Merlin grins despite himself,”I didn’t know you thought so highly of me.”

 

“Of course I do,” but before he can say anymore, Lance is pulling him to play charades.  Merlin flushes as he watches Arthur attempt to act out a grave robbery.

 

Throughout the night, Merlin can't help but feel his eyes wander to where Arthur's leaning into Owain's space. He turns away, picking up another glass of wine.

 

 

Mordred takes him home because he's too drunk to make it on his own.  Arthur had been insistent that it should be him, but Gwen had pulled him to the side.  And Merlin, he almost lets Mordred in even though he’s not interested and that he wishes it was someone else instead.  He remembers the tense look Arthur had given him before he had left and makes apologies instead, leaving a disappointed Mordred behind.  

 

~*~

 

 

Two days later, when he finds out Gwaine is getting married and that to the beautiful, clumsy sweet Elena, the first person his fingers type out on his mobile is Arthur.

 

“Gwaine is getting married,” he says, his voice breaking.

 

“Oh Merlin,” Arthur says, his voice gentle, “I’ll be right there.”

 

By the time Arthur gets there, Merlin’s half drunk on the floor, his back against the sofa, his eyes puffy and red as he chugs down another shot of whiskey.  It burns down his throat and he chokes, coughing.  

 

Arthur sighs as he sits besides him on the floor and pulls the bottle away.

 

“I think you’ve had enough Merlin.”

 

Merlin doesn’t argue, instead he eyes his now empty glass, fingers chasing patterns across it’s surface.

 

Arthur sits quietly, almost as if he isn’t there.  But Merlin can feel him, all warm and comforting pressed against his side almost distracting him from his thoughts of Gwaine.

 

“I’m over him so I don’t know why I’m upset,” Merlin finally says, slumping against Arthur.

 

Arthur wraps an arm around him and Merlin buries his face against Arthur’s neck.  He can smell the soft scent of the detergent mixed in with Arthur’s scent, a blend of sweat and pine and something musky Merlin can’t place.  

 

Merlin, his breath puffing against Arthur’s collarbones, says words tumbling against the other “He said he never wanted to settle.  But it was only me he didn’t want to settle with.”

 

“You deserve so much better than him,” Arthur murmurs, his hand rubbing comfortingly against Merlin’s back.

 

“I just wish someone would want me for me,” Merlin half-whispers against Arthur’s shoulder.

 

“There are people out there who do, you just have to find them,”Arthur replies, his voice a low rumble.

 

Merlin tilts his head to look at Arthur, his heart starting to beat loudly as he realizes that Arthur’s face is so close.   _Close enough to kiss_ , he thinks.  And he wonders whether kissing Arthur would be like how he remembered it to be.

 

He wants to blame the alcohol when he reaches across the space to kiss Arthur, his lips firmly pressed Arthur’s still ones.

 

Arthur pulls away, concern warring with what Merlin recognizes as desire, “I don’t think-”

 

But Merlin doesn’t let him finish his thought.  And after a brief moment, Arthur returns the kiss just as fiercely.

 

It’s a blur of clothes shifting and naked skin pressed against naked skin as they awkwardly figure out removing shirts and trousers around gangly limbs and somehow manage to walk backwards to the bedroom.  

 

Merlin pushes Arthur onto his bed, his boxers failing somewhere along the wayside.  His breath catches as he sees the way Arthur looks at him, his gaze scorching a wide path across his skin.

 

Everything else fades away as Arthur reaches up to pull Merlin against him, his mouth claiming his.

 

Later there is split lube and awkward laughing as Merlin wraps his hand around the both of them, setting a brutal pace.  He memorizes Arthur’s moans, the way his neck strains to hold back, his frustrated, “Fuck Merlin--”

 

And then there’s blinding pleasure that comes with each thrust, hipbones sliding against hipbone as he arches and spills over Arthur and Arthur does the same.

 

~*~

 

The next morning, Merlin wakes up warm, a naked body-Arthur pressed against his side and Arthur’s arm slung over his waist.  For a moment he’s not sure where he is before he remembers last night.  Finding out about Gwaine engagement, the drinking and kissing Arthur.  And the sex.  He turns, his eyes pausing to watch Arthur still sleeping.  The light from the early morning spilling across his face makes him look younger.

 

 _He looks just like he did when we first met_ , Merlin thinks.  But that wasn’t exactly true.  He could see the laughter lines at the corners of Arthur’s face and is taken aback by the sudden sadness that he missed so much of Arthur’s life despite knowing Arthur for all this years.

 

He gives into the urge to brush a strand of hair off Arthur’s forehead, lips curving into a smile as his fingers lingered.  He pulls away a few seconds later as the enormity of last night hits him.

 

He just slept with his best mate.  But that wasn’t the worst part as he finally places the happy achy feeling he feels whenever he’s around Arthur.

 

As he stumbles away from the bed, _I’m in love with Arthur_ clangs heavily over the hangover he’s starting to feel.  Grabbing his clothes, he ducks into the kitchen, feet pausing as he sees the paracetamol and the glass of water.

 

His heart clenches as he takes the pills and drinks the water before he heads out.

 

Twenty minutes later, he gets a call from Arthur.

 

“Hello.”

 

“Hey,” Arthur sounds breathless, “Where are you?  When I woke this morning, you had disappeared.”

 

Merlin stares at Freya from where he’s sitting in her kitchen, “I’m at Freya’s.  She had locked herself out of her apartment.”

 

Freya shots him a look over her mug and Merlin ignores her.

 

“Oh,” and Merlin knows that Arthur sees through the lie.

 

There’s an awkward silence and Merlin can’t remember the last time that has ever happened.  Already last night has changed everything.

 

“Okay, well give me a call later.  I need to run to the office but I’ll be free later this evening.”

 

“Alright,” Merlin says awkwardly before hanging up.

 

“You slept with him.” Freya says guessing correctly as Merlin blinks at her.

 

“Took you two long enough.”

 

“What?” Merlin sputters out a moment later.

 

“We had a pool going on when you and Arthur would finally shag.”

 

As Merlin stares at her speechlessly, Freya sighs, “You’ve always had feelings for him.  And Morgana thinks Arthur’s been in love with you since Scotland.”

 

“There’s no way Arthur’s in love with me.”

 

Freya opens her mouth before closing it, “You shouldn’t avoid him either way.”

 

“I’m in love with him.”

 

“I know,” Freya says patting his arm and shoving a cup of tea at him.

 

“I don’t know what to say to him.”

 

“Well you need to figure it out soon, yeah?  Because you can’t avoid him forever.”

 

Merlin stares at her, laughing almost bitterly, “That is one thing I do know.”

 

~*~

 

 

Merlin ignores Arthur’s calls during the following week still confused about what he should do.  But somehow Arthur manages to catch him at Lance and Gwen’s dinner party.

 

He shots Gwen an irritated look for lying to him about whether Arthur was coming, but she mouths “You need to talk to him” as she hurries to grab the roast and leaving them two alone in the kitchen.

 

There are dark circles under Arthur’s eyes, his clothes are rumpled as if he had hastily thrown them on.  He looks wary as he approaches Merlin, almost as if he thinks Merlin’s going to run on him.

 

Merlin entertains that thought briefly before slumping against the table knowing that he can’t avoid this conversation any longer.

 

“You’ve been avoiding me.  Did I do something?”

 

Merlin could see the agitation written across his face, tripping in between the silence between them.

 

“I can’t do this anymore Arthur,” Merlin says, his hands twisting as he tried to calm his nerves, “I can’t be your friend.”

 

Merlin’s is taken aback by the sheer grief in Arthur’s eyes, the gutted look that flickers across his face.

 

“Why?”

 

“Because,” Merlin says taking a step back, “I can’t just be your friend anymore.  I want more and I know you don’t.”

 

Arthur stares at him wordlessly as he reads between the lines.

 

“You’re an idiot,” Arthur says suddenly, moving forward, reaching for Merlin, his fingers digging into Merlin’s hipbone, “an idiot.”

 

“If you’re just going to be mean--” Merlin starts but Arthur’s lips press against him before he can finish.

 

The kiss is firm and demanding and turns filthy and slick once Arthur’s tongue is there.  Furious, Merlin presses back.  He’s tired of being scared.  Of constantly wanting this.  For always have been wanting this somewhere in the back of his mind for as long as he had known Arthur.

 

He twists so Arthur’s back is against the wall, a thigh pressed between Arthur’s.

 

When Merlin finally pulls away, he exhales loudly as he takes in Arthur’s disheveled appearance and swollen lips.

 

The pain from where Arthur is tightly grabbing, fingers leaving bruises against his hipbones pales in comparison to the onslaught of want and loss that tug at Merlin.  

 

“I can’t do this anymore,” Merlin says repeating what he had said earlier  trying to pull away.

 

But Arthur doesn’t let him go, “You’re an idiot.”

 

“You already told me that,” he retorts, face flushing in anger

 

“God, you’re beautiful when you’re angry.”

 

That completely derails Merlin from what he was going to say.

 

“What?”

 

“I love you.  I think I’ve always been half in love with you,” Arthur says pulling Merlin close, his eyes earnest.

 

 

“Arthur, don’t lie to me.  I don’t want your pity.”

 

“How am I lying?  That when you’re not there, it’s like I’m missing a part of me.  You’re the last thing I want to see when I go to sleep every night and the first when I wake.  I love how you know all the little facts about Doctor Who and that you wear those ridiculous neck scarves.  Or the way you hum terrible 80s music when you're cleaning the flat.   I love how you can’t really cook, but you always get my tea perfectly right.  And whenever I have another argument with my father, you know the right words to say every single time.  I love you Merlin and it’s not because I pity you.  It’s because the thought of not having you in my life is the worst thing I can imagine.”

 

With each word, Merlin finds himself melting against Arthur, his arms tightly wrapped around Arthur’s waist.

 

Arthur is blushing when he’s done, but his eyes stay steady on Merlin’s and Merlin can’t help but fall a little more.

 

“I feel--the same way.  I love you I think---actually I can’t remember a time when I didn’t,” Merlin says, a smile breaking across his face as he looks at Arthur.

 

“I know,” Arthur replies smug but his eyes were tender .

 

Merlin mutters, "Prat," before leaning forward and proceeds to kiss that smug look off of Arthur’s face.

 


End file.
